i'm annoyingly human, are you?

i've been thinking a lot lately about what gives us our humanity? what makes us just human, as opposed to super human or inhumane? what is the quality that basically good people of every background, from queens( hey-ey) and presidents to the mentally retarded (maybe that's a bad example of opposites:-)share? is it the capacity to love? sure, but that's to glossy and pretty to be alone at the core of us. is it our ability to reason? maybe a little. our ingenuity, compassion, kindness, hate, or ambivalence? perhaps to a degree. but i am thinking more and more that it may simply be our ability to get miffed. ticked-off. pissy. annoyed. it's not only the ability we all have to go there, but the space we give those in our lives to go there with us, and come back to good. what i'm talking about is different than anger, it's just miffed. why am i miffed? because i am. because you're breathing. because the air smells weird. because you're bugging me. just because i'm human and i'm allowed.

for those of you out there in this blogosphere that are blessed to have great friends or a wonderful partner, can you think about when you knew that they were truly going to be a great person in your life? was it when you laughed together, or connected deeply, or shared intimately? of course, that's part of it. but there is something about someone experiencing you when you're miffed, and liking you still, that really tells the truth of your relationship. maybe it's a minor miff where you just roll your eyes or sulk a little, or maybe a more major miff where you verbalize how thoroughly annoyed you are. either way, you know it's a real friendship when you're simply allowed this basic testament to your humanity. i remember when i first got miffed around dana. we were walking on the lakewalk in duluth. i can't recall exactly what it was that was bugging me, but i remember very distinctly that she was just with me. she didn't try and force me to talk it out or make it into a big issue, she just rode the wave with me and let me be what i was.

in other friendships or relationships you get a message somewhere along the way that being miffed won't be tolerated, or maybe you yourself doesn't want to show when you're miffed out of a fear of being rejected. this is no good. miffed itself gets miffed when you try and stifle miffed, and oh boy you do not want to miff miffed. see, i just miffed myself with that sentence! what i'm trying to say is that getting miffed is a crucial part of your humanity, and if someone requires you to muffle your humanity, well that itself will eventually miff you. there's no way around miffed, if your eyes are left unrolled and the smile on your face is forced for too long your simple feeling o' miff will turn to anger and resentment and we all know what can happen then.

please don't misunderstand my little miff rant here, i'm not saying we should all walk around annoyed 24/7, i'm just saying that when we do feel that way with someone or something or even no one and no thing it's ok, it just means you are on the right track with your humanity. so don't worry, if it's really just a case of miffed it will pass as quickly as it came. like a summer storm on a warm night, leaving the plants watered and the grass a little greener.

this theory of mine is in the evolutionary states. i would love to hear your feelings and experiences with being in the state of miffed!

WANTED: Gay Poster Children. (must have own subaru. bi-racial children a plus)

i try to keep up on current events, it helps me to feel connected to the world from the remote satellite location of at-home motherville. i check in daily with the new york times and npr websites. i wake-up most days with matt, meredith, and ann (i do not claim al- he is a tool), and i often see what they are gabbing about on the nightly news while i make dinner. some items stick in my brain, and others float through moving on to grayer matter. in addition, i am making an effort to blog regularly here on my (not-so) fancy new site- this too is an effort to connect myself to the outside world and feel i am a part of the larger global dialog. i don't want to blog every day only about my kids, (even though i often find them more interesting than the information being presented in the news.) so as i am reading headlines i am wondering what i should make comment about, what is worth adding to the dialog on? what i've decided on for today is (gasp) gay marriage.

i should preface and state that i am gay. and married. and no, i don't have official paperwork to prove it. and while "they" are arguing their points and working out the details in this painstakingly slow national debate my wife and i have been doing this: meeting, falling in love, traveling, working, getting a dog, buying a house, getting another dog, getting another dog:), adopting a baby, selling a house, buying another house, protesting wars, getting married, adopting another baby, selling another house, getting degrees, having careers, changing careers, making soups, moving to a new city, buying another house, raising our kids, celebrating some milestones and mourning some losses, all the while fighting/laughing/loving a lot. that's our last decade. the debate swirls around us and well meaning friends and family give us their two cents/support/judgments. but whatever the law is and whatever the level of support is, nothing has slowed us down. when we are denied a right, we figure out how to get what we need. when someone says "no", we ask someone else. we fight when we need to, and we let it go when we can. we had an amazing wedding, and we did feel a deeper sense of commitment after that magical day. so i wonder now if would feel any more married with that piece of paper? i really don't think so. i would feel safer, i would feel relieved, i would feel protected under the law. but not more married. basically what i'm getting at is that the right wing conservative gay bashing a-holes aren't preventing me and my wife from living our lives one iota. (sidebar: what the hell is an iota?) would we get the paper if we could? sure we would. we'd be idiots not to. but when i look back on the last decade of our life without this magical mysterious paper i think, we're doing alright. we're making headway. for example: we are poised on the brink of being the first lesbian couple to access same sex health benefits from the local electrical workers union. not having the paper didn't stop that. we were the first lesbian couple to adopt a child that was neither of ours biologically from a rural MN county. not having the paper didn't stop that either. we've bought houses together, no papers needed. a crap load of insurance, nada paper. and on and on. while "they" continue to argue we are quietly and consistently building our family, a family that sits firmly on the foundation of a marriage. do they know that they can't stop us anymore than i can stop them from having 14 children and not cutting their hair? 'cause i know i can't stop them from having what they call family so i don't try. i wish they would afford me the same distance and apathy. that's really what i'm asking for here: apathy from the right. :-)
i feel fired up- ergo, i must rhyme.

*** BE AWARE OF EXPLICIT LANGUAGE***

ode to the right (aka: mock and awe)

your mom is gay
your daddy flies the flag
gram likes the ladies
grandpa is a fag
your uncle is a homo
your auntie is a hag
as far as i'm concerned
that's close enough to gay.

the right wing is all wrong
their hair is way too long
dresses to the floor
their rhetoric's a bore

this country's out of sync
morals off the map
our president's a dink
our laws are full of crap
keepin' some folks out
is never gonna work
my constitution rights
are not a fucking perk.

pat robertson can bite me
mccain's a fancy lass
pawlenty's being groomed
to take it up the ass

stealin' money from the poor
and givin' to the rich
we all know mr. bush
is cheney's little bitch

now the jig is up
and the truth came clear
you voted for the war
you voted out of fear
don't be so surprised
you got what you deserve
i guess i'm not the only
dirty little perv

...nice

as my eldest would say, "it's a golden day!" and it was. i'm sure for most out in the world saturdays are usually "golden", but for us they can be a grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it kind of situation. my lovely wife works doubles over the weekend and saturday is the final day of a 3-day stint of her gone and me home alone with the children. yikes. by saturday they are usually bickering like crazy, and climbing all over me with 'what can we do's' and so forth, never satisfied with the list of choices i give. usually by mid-day on a saturday i have developed a permanently furrowed brow and a tic. but not today! this fair june day proved to be quite golden indeed. and there is no special reason or big adventure or exciting news. it was just a really nice day. they played nicely together. i got some gardening done and they TOOK TURNS helping me. they worked together and made a comic strip with chalk on the driveway. we all sat and chatted out in the yard while enjoying some izze soda. and we had blueberry pancakes for dinner, which was georgias reward of choice for pedaling her bike on only 2 wheels successfully for the first time. (YEA!!). overall the day was no big whoop, nothing that would make history books or even scrapbooks. it was just... nice. i would like more days like today.

quote of the week...
from: georgia
context: we were at the minneapolis institute of art with our museum adventure pass:
"wow mommy, i really like it here! i thought it would be boring and hard not to touch stuff, but this art is really good."

mommy loves to what!?

the evidence is mounting to prove that we are officially out of the baby zone and into kidville U.S.A.. i need to stress the U.S.A. part of that last statement because american childhood has become a bizarre sort of enterprise. now that both of my kids are school-aged, and kickin' it at home with me on an old school summer style break i realise that i need to do more for them than go for a little walk or play in the backyard for short stints between naps and meals. (god, i miss naps). these things are great some days, but i need to pepper their summer with more adventurous outings. now i should back-up a little and state that i am a conscientious objector to the current trend in parenting that says my kids will be losers and rejects unable to function in society if they aren't enrolled in every activity the community ed catalog has to offer. i have no interest in my kids eating most of their meals from mcdonald's in the minivan (which i don't have by the by) while being shuffled between t-ball and soccer practice. is it just me, or does that sound like hell on earth? but, i do admit that hermitage might not be the best approach either. so, izzy joined girl scouts this year, and georgia has enjoyed swimming with the ymca. and now that's it's summer i am just starting to make a concerted effort to involve them more, without over-involving them, in some community activities. for example, today we went to what is apparently the happening mid-morning summer time destination in this fair western suburb for a standing group playdate with georgias fellow preschool alums. i wasn't sure who all would be there but we went anyways. the girls armed with their charm and good-looks, and me armed with a david sedaris book so as to avoid inane uncomfortable mommychat with women i don't know. (see previous post about crotchetiness). i was hopful that some of the moms that i genuinely enjoy would be there, but hopes fell fast when i got a look at the crew lined up on the side of the park. we had been spotted already by a well-meaning little boy from georgia's class who was excited to see her. little did he know that he just foiled my escape plan of "scout it out before committing". (i would of gotten away with it too, if it weren't for these meddling kids.) so we ventured on towards the play area. in under 60 seconds the mombot who carries business cards with her contact info and the title "coopers mom" was grilling me about our children's adoptions and their biological connections. in about 90 seconds i was parked on a bench on the other side of the park reading david sedaris. which obviously means that i want a 56 year old nanny with adha and a bad case of verbal diarrhea to sit down next to me and start talking with no invitation or signs of needing to take a breath. duh, what was i thinking getting out my book like that? she rambled on for i'm not sure how long about her boyfriend in tuscon and his feelings about her nannying in minnesota for summer. really? he's your BOYfriend, are you sure about that 56 year old nanny lady? 'cause i'm not so sure. and i'm pondering the idea of how old is too old to call someone your boy or girl friend when i was spotted once again. this time not by an innocent looking for his preschool friend, but rather by my nemesis, the antithesis of every womanmotherperson value i have in this world. it was mommylovestoshop headed right for me. an excursion driving, valley-girl talking, over processed hair having, stay-at-home divorcee who bad talks her ex in nearly sentence she utters and gossips in the hallways at the elementary school like she's trying to letter in it. as if i just got caught at the mall reserved for the cool kids she says, "i didn't know YOU came here?" to which i responded. "yes, i go to public parks. with my children. so they can play." she throws back an overzealous, "WONDERFUL!! so we'll see you around here this summer then." oooh, she's good. she knows i don't want to be where she is, and she just played that hand like a pro. all this and we had been there all of a half hour. this is one more example of how those romantic hippie notions of parenthood and leisurely afternoons reading in the park while my kids play are just a load of crap. yes, there was a park. and there was a book, as well as an intention to read it. but the world around has others plans that very rarely coincide with what a mother might want for herself. and the irony is that when i tuck my children in to sleep tonight and ask them, as i do every night, what was the best part of their day? i would bet a million bucks they chime in unison, "playing at the park!!"

when did i become crotchety?

i'm 33, and i think the state of crotchety has officially snuck up on me. all i want to do is whine about gas prices and complain that when i was a kid the month of june was considered a summer month. i feel uncomfortable with things that used to give me comfort. like change for example. i used to thrive on an ever evolving day, surprises around every corner. now i get upset if they switch morning news anchors on my favorite program. YOU SEE! right there- the use of the word"program" is only further evidence of my descent into crotchetiness. i feel grumpy about stupid things, i feel chilly more than i should, i drink tea exclusively, and i eat dinner at 5:30. i worry more about my dietary fiber than i ever thought was possible, and computery gadgets seem newfangled and overwhelming. i'm half of a stick of gum away from becoming my grandma! if they still made velamints i'd probably be keeping them in my ash tray by now. it's all very depressing. did i mention i'm only 33? i need to get ahold of myself. i'm only 33! i have plenty of irresponsible choices ahead of me. i am capable of participating in reckless behavior at any moment! i don't own a single piece of holiday themed attire, and i think that means there is hope for me.

but on the serious, what the fuck is up with the price of gas? i paid 3.99/ gal today and that was at costco. my little subaru costs 2x as much to fill as it used to. i am wigging out. mama needs to drive! in her station wagon, to the grocery store, to buy some fiber! this is no joke people. i cannot be a stay at home mom that actually STAYS HOME without the use of prescription drugs- i'm not going to make it. and if i can be frank, my kids are useless when it comes to biking. little legs, big helmets, wobbly training wheels. it all adds up to 2 hours to go 2 blocks and get some milk for $10 a gallon. i can forget about biking the mile to the local library for story time. and they have officially outgrown the kiddie bike trailer. at 64lbs and 38 lbs plus the weight of the trailer and factoring in the reason this place i live is called golden VALLEY i cannot do it anymore. we are stuck in a weird middle place. i'm too old to be a "young person", and too young to be an old person. my kids are too big to be hauled, but too small to make it on their own. and it all leaves me to wonder about this place after the marriage and kids have come, but before the convertible and mistress show up. the 30's are a weird sort of limbo place where nothing is the same, and there are no clear answers for how to get where i need to go.

I'm not so sure about this...

i am feeling a wee bit dubious about this blog business. i have noticed that all of the cool kids are doing it though, and i am known to bend to peer pressure very easily, so here i am. i feel like i need to tell you about myself, but there isn't really a "you" per se, and if there is, "you" probably already know that i am a fat-american-lesbian-at-home feminist/mother-wife who is often crude, sarcastic, and inappropriate. if "you" plan on reading this with any regularity please be advised of the following:

-sometimes i rhyme.
-sometimes i like lime.
-that last one is true, but i only wrote it to illustrate the first point.
-i am ok with offending you.
-i opted out of the free lobotomy when i became a mother.
-i love my kids and my wife.
-i have a lot to say that has nothing to do with my kids and wife.
-i watch more tv than you.
-i prefer white wine.
-i swear a lot.
-cookies are my favorite food, and i am known for my chocolate chip.
-i think i am always right.
-most nights when my kids ask me what's for dinner i answer "boogers and poop".
-i like to moon people.
-i really love music, including, but not limited to: folksey girls with guitars, tormented boys with guitars, alt rock, hip-hop, easy listening, old country, techno, raffi... etc.

the rest i guess you'll have to discover if i actually keep this crap up and write here with the aforementioned regularity.