distillation

i love to cook, and for a home chef i am quite good (if i do say so myself:). one of my favorite methods to play with is the reduction. from a simple balsamic reduction of vinegar into a dark, sweet, and savory drizzle of magic; or the use of a wine or spirit to deglaze and reduce adding flavor and intensity to a dish in it's early stages. it seems, however, that as i age this concept creeps into my relationships as well. i am the vinegar. full bodied and flavorful with many uses, place me in a pot and simmer me on low until i reach my mid 30's, and i become something refined and discerning. lacking confidence in my youth i was willing to be used in a variety of dishes and ways; however i am now confident in my rich and dense attributes; and no longer will accept being dumped in mass quantity on anything in front of me.

in my adolescence and twenties it was about quantity, quality being a mere pleasant surprise. this was true of friends, food, hell - life in general! over the years i have sought my education through self analysis and experimentation. slowly but surely i have learned what my tastes truly are. i have learned a lot, and continue to do so. for instance i would prefer to drizzle my edible masterpieces with a small amount of thick, succulent, balsamic reduction; than to dress a large plate with a thin and unsatisfying cheap vinegar. similarly i would also rather savor the goodness of a small, high quality, network of friends than drown my schedule in a sea of semi-friends (definition- semi-friend: someone who may offer quantity, but not quality in respect to your relationship. aka-cheap vinegar:). despite knowing this i seem to be in the stage of life where every now and again i must test my theory and dowse my dinner in the old dressing of my 20's, thinking it will hold the same delights it did back then. always i am left feeling unsatisfied, until finally i say ENOUGH! enough dinners that are either lackluster or ruined altogether. enough mediocrity. enough.

poor baby.

if this blog were my child i would owe her a lot of money for therapy due to severe neglect. lo siento sweet girl, i will try and be more attentive from here on out.

i've been mulling over the adage "actions speak louder than words" a lot lately. it is a standard that i not only believe, but hold myself and those in my life accountable to. there have been far too many times when i could look at someone who was talking to me, and i could see right through what they were saying. their words ringing hollow and lifeless, their actions (or lack thereof) screaming in contradiction. it makes my stomach turn and my skin crawl, i have never been able to abide this violating form of lying in my life.

some might say my expectations are too high, i would challenge this notion by clarifying that i don't expect flawless actions from anyone (myself included); what i do hope for in others is the courage to be honest and challenging with themselves when faced with dilemma, confusion, and the simple choices of the day. i don't think this is too much for us, as fellow members of the world community, to ask of each other. what is so bad about saying, "i'm confused about ______, and i feel myself veering away from living a life that meshes with my values and integrity, i need to get some help."? (even if you say it to yourself in your own head). AND THEN FOLLOWING THROUGH ON THESE WORDS BY *gasp* TAKING SOME ACTION TO CHANGE YOUR COURSE. it's not rocket science people. we are all human, we all fuck up in large and small ways.

recently someone added to my adage (say that 10 times fast!) with "...and results speak louder than actions". (hi adam!) i don't agree. i think results can vary, and not necessarily reflect ones efforts. i know there have been many times in my life where i can look and say that did everything correctly on paper. i dotted every i, crossed every t, and followed the rules laid out for me; in other words i took all of the right actions while making my intent clear and purposeful. yet still i didn't get the results that matched my actions. in these circumstances i think there lies a perfect opportunity to practice what i'm preaching here. i could be bitter, jaded, and blaming of others that my strong efforts didn't pay off, or i could let go of the things over which i have no control, and look forward to how i will handle my actions and reactions to these events. self- analyze, breathe, and reboot. additionally i think it is a slippery slope if one gets too tied to results. i believe it is the effort, the sheer act of acting on ones beliefs, convictions, or values that speaks to someone's honor and intentions; not so much what comes of said actions (although, aren't positive results awesome when they come together?!). i would go even a little further and say that being too tied to results can set one up for becoming a words-without-actions-asshole because not getting what we want is a perfect excuse to stop doing and start whining.

*to be clear, my friend adam is not an actionless asshole, quite the opposite actually. he's a good egg, but i still disagree with his black and white boy brain. in other words, no adams were harmed in the writing of this blog ( i hope). :-)*

there is a subtle place in human beings that i believe is a major contributor to defining our character: it is the place where we decide to own our behavior, and do our work; or excuse away our behavior onto others, and deny the issue that is a blinding red light in our face. notice that neither of these options include not fucking up in the first place, it is assumed that we all do/ will continue to, so go ahead and fuck up i say! have at it. be the flawed human that you are, and then look at what happened, evaluate how it made you (and others) feel, and decide in an honest and real way what you are going to DO to rectify the situation at hand, and ensure that your next mistake (and there will be one) is something new and different to deal with. no one likes a broken record, especially if it's skipping on on a horrid song.