No Impact Man: a review

i just finished watching the documentary, "no impact man". it's the story of one man, a writer in nyc, that takes his family on an exploratory year of trying to live without impact on the environment. the short version of my review would be," it was good". i am me however, so i have a little more to say about it.

i would start with the title, clearly thought up by man with his black and white brain, as "no" impact is not an actual possibility. that aside, i like the premise of exploring ways that ordinary people (and they are) can reduce their environmental impact on the world. the thought that individual action is meaningful in some way in the face of humongous world issues is something i believe very strongly in.

some of the things that drew me to watch this film are that his wife agreed to go along on this journey (with their young daughter) despite being a self professed "high fructose corn syrup and reality television addict" who works for a major national magazine. also, i like the fact that the man behind the philosophy does not have a long scientific history with environmental impact issues. he is a guy who had an idea and ran with it. because of this humanity his experiment was an evolutionary one, and a deeply flawed one; which in my view makes it more accessible to the masses, and thus more powerful. his contention is that by making these changes, and attempts at changes, he would inspire others to look for ways they could do the same in their lives, they in turn would inspire the people in their world to make some different choices, and so on and so on.

one of my favorite lines from the film was when he said (i'm paraphrasing), "i think idealism is one of the most powerful political acts". he was met with a lot of skepticism via his blog (which tracked his families journey), and it caused him to wonder a lot about why people were so afraid or opposed to believe in someone trying to make positive changes. i have to agree, i mean we are all pretty much on the same page these days that the environment is seriously f-ed up, and doing things to have less of an impact is a good thing (hello, massively simplified statement). it took us a long time to get to the place where there was mainstream acknowledgement of environmental issues, now is the time to open ourselves up to the ideas of others so that we can start to look at turning this pony around and having a positive impact (as opposed to "no" impact) on the world around us. we can learn from each other to find what works, and what doesn't, to reduce our negative individual impacts. another piece of good news is that what works for me, doesn't have to be the same for you. for me riding my bike everywhere and not having a car isn't something that would work well at this stage of my life, but maybe it would work very well for someone who lived in a different place or had a different lifestyle. well, that's great. i can contribute by not eating meat, recycling, composting, and eating locally. if we all did just a few things that we feel inspired to do it truly would have a big impact.

so while i don't think it's realistic for everyone to go whole hog (pun intended) trying not to have any impact on the environment, i do think exploring the vast array of ways in which we do make impacts is a good conversation to have because let's face it, simply recycling isn't going to cut it anymore. at it's core i think that was what "no impact man" was trying to convey. i also think that if you get past the black and white falsehood in the title, which i think makes it sound like a documentary that is only going to make it's audience feel inadequate and defensive, that it's message is a good one, and surprisingly it is very accessible to the masses. overall, i recommend. let me know what you think if you've seen it!

distillation

i love to cook, and for a home chef i am quite good (if i do say so myself:). one of my favorite methods to play with is the reduction. from a simple balsamic reduction of vinegar into a dark, sweet, and savory drizzle of magic; or the use of a wine or spirit to deglaze and reduce adding flavor and intensity to a dish in it's early stages. it seems, however, that as i age this concept creeps into my relationships as well. i am the vinegar. full bodied and flavorful with many uses, place me in a pot and simmer me on low until i reach my mid 30's, and i become something refined and discerning. lacking confidence in my youth i was willing to be used in a variety of dishes and ways; however i am now confident in my rich and dense attributes; and no longer will accept being dumped in mass quantity on anything in front of me.

in my adolescence and twenties it was about quantity, quality being a mere pleasant surprise. this was true of friends, food, hell - life in general! over the years i have sought my education through self analysis and experimentation. slowly but surely i have learned what my tastes truly are. i have learned a lot, and continue to do so. for instance i would prefer to drizzle my edible masterpieces with a small amount of thick, succulent, balsamic reduction; than to dress a large plate with a thin and unsatisfying cheap vinegar. similarly i would also rather savor the goodness of a small, high quality, network of friends than drown my schedule in a sea of semi-friends (definition- semi-friend: someone who may offer quantity, but not quality in respect to your relationship. aka-cheap vinegar:). despite knowing this i seem to be in the stage of life where every now and again i must test my theory and dowse my dinner in the old dressing of my 20's, thinking it will hold the same delights it did back then. always i am left feeling unsatisfied, until finally i say ENOUGH! enough dinners that are either lackluster or ruined altogether. enough mediocrity. enough.

rabbit hole

let me preface this by saying that i am NOT a fan of "alice in wonderland". it scares the bejesus out me. a little blond girl falls down a rabbit's hole (hello, rife with subtext) and ends up in a psychedelic land filled with unsavory characters such as: passive aggressive cats, talking plants, evil queens, etc... hits a little too close to home if you know what i'm sayin'. my social worker brain goes immediately to the place of wondering why no one in this child's real life has noticed that she is completely dissociated. the whole thing is very alarming.

that said, i can most certainly relate to walking along and feeling like your life was pulled out from under you and all of the sudden you are falling into a parallel universe that you never thought would be your reality. we like to philosophize that this is life leading us down a new path, or taking us on an unexpected journey, or blah blah blah. although this annoying shit may true, it feels more like you have just fallen into some unforeseen gaping hole in the earths floor; and goddammit, it sucks. despite the fact that it sucks, it seems an inevitable part of life. once you start falling there is no way to stop yourself, often i try to grab the earth as i plummet. it seems all this accomplishes is to widen the hole by crumbly even more of the fragile soil and roots in my desperate hands. alas we land, somewhere. god only knows where, or when, as the fall can last anywhere from a moment to a lifetime. once we hit the bottom, and our bones rattle on impact, we can begin to shake our heads and take in our surroundings. trying to get our bearings as to where we are, and how we got there. being someone who likes to know the whys and hows for every turn in life i tend to sit at the bottom of this proverbial rabbit's hole for longer than is maybe productive and fixate on why the hole was there in the first place, and why i fell into it. once i feel i have an understanding of the hows and whys i can really look around at what's in front of me. my next step is usually to take a long nap. seriously, falling down that unexpected hole is exhausting, figuring out why i fell in the first place, even more so.

so, now i'm napping, and in a cruel twist my vivid dreams are all centered around the fall, reasons for it, and what will come next. my dreams tend to play out worst case scenarios, which as you might suspect, doesn't provide the restful sleep and rejuvenation i need for the journey ahead. now i'm tired, weary, and fearful that my dreams may be a foretelling of what's to come; but what choice do i have except to get up and start moving in one direction or another. i have found that this nightmarish psychedelic land at the bottom of this asshole rabbit's careless crevasse has poor signage and rarely (if ever) a visitors center to help me get started. so, i'm walking, grumbling and swearing under my breath, in some random direction looking for any clue that could lead me to the surface again. are cartoonish foliage and lispy talking animals who make little or no sense helpful to me at this point? no, no they are not. i'm looking for a straight shooter who has my best interests at heart. in other words i'm looking for my therapist. it would be a lot easier to find her when i need her if i could get some cell reception down in this godforsaken hell (rabbit) hole. goddamn t-mobile.

no thank you pasty faced royal court, i do not want to play your silly games full of covert meaning, i would however like it very much if ANYONE could point me towards the sun, my vitamin D is dwindling fast down here; and by the by where can a girl get a snack or some chai? this is when i know i'm getting my sense of humor back, always a good sign. i like to use dry humor and sarcasm with the abusive characters down there, i don't think they get it and i know it pisses them off. which makes me a happy. i suppose one could argue that if i would play their games and learn the lessons the way they want me too maybe i would get back home more quickly. but you see, it's never been my personal belief that getting back is the goal. getting to a new place yes, getting back to where i fell in the hole in the first place? not so much. i find it's best to accept the truth that once you have fallen down this maddening hole, whether it's because of your actions or those of someone else in your life, change is the only way to avoid the same hole again in the future. it's best to abandon the thoughts of "home" you once cherished and open your mind and heart to the fact that home, as you knew it, no longer sparkles and shines the way it once did, and the patina that has taken the place of the shimmer cannot be scrubbed off with any amount of effort or tarnex.

so i trudge on settling into this new (and hopefully temporary)reality while trying to avoid the spazzy characters that seek to distract me from walking through. i pass the flamboyant and bossy talking flowers without acknowledgement, and i swat the annoying white haired hummingbird away from me with an extra flick of my wrist to ensure she is knocked on her arse and will not be circling my head with her ear piercing drivel again.

(ooh, look! there's a starbucks *of course* things are looking up!) grande-nonfat-no-foam-chai in hand my step quickens a little, and i start to notice that things are beginning to look less distorted and cartoonish. i am beginning to feel my feet underneath me in a real way, solid on this spongy terrain. the cloudiness in my head begins to clear and my thoughts become hopeful and pragmatic, even small smatterings of excitement creep in knowing that once i find out where home is now it will be better than it was before. that this hellish time will all have been worth it because when i resurface and take that deep breath in the wide open air of my new home i will smile, and it will be real.

letting go, moving on...

timelines are a bitch.  not the kind of bitch one loves (like me!) but the kind one does not so much care for.  over the last weeks as we have come to a firm decision to take our act to ithaca i have been trying my best to time manage the whole situation. 

the questions swim around in my head; when will we list here, when will dana start work there, should we put an offer on the house we love there, when to tell people, when to go, when when when will it all come together?  mid july? end of july? august? when?  i run possible scenarios in my head all day these days trying to figure out what's going to work the best for our family. 

quite frankly money is our main obstacle right now.  or lack thereof.  as if juggling all of these details wasn't stressful enough we have plowed through our savings while dana has been laid off these last months.  i know it's not proper in MN to talk openly about money, but why the fuck not?  it's real. we all deal with it.  we all have or have had some struggle or questions with it at some point in our lives; and yet we act as if it's taboo to talk about it.  fuck that noise. especially in this era of economic uptheassofthemiddleclassedness, we need to be on each others sides. talking about it helps.

but i digress (shocking)... i met with our realtor today, got my homework, and decided on a list price.  what i'm realizing is that i have to let go of something i have historically NOT been good at letting go of.  i have to let go of a timeline.  i have to let go of knowing.  for those of you out there who know me, you know that i like to know. ya know?  it's not serving me or my family well for me to be obsessing about the other side of this journey.  what i am learning (and will probably need to be reminded of lots) is that each day some thing(s) get figured out.  we are building something from the ground up.  one bit by one bit and we (i) need to trust in the process.  i don't want to miss a highest-good opportunity for me and my brood because my sights were not focused on the tasks at hand.  so, just one thing at a time.  one detail. one picture packed.  one project started.  just one.