ya know what's really funny? a grown-up who is really angry and starts swatting and kicking at the air around them. i love that shit. i totally get it, being so angry you must move it to a physical level, but it's really really funny when you see someone else act it out. especially if you get extra lucky and said grown-up in the middle of a cartoonish rage fit smacks an appendage on something whilst swatting frantically at the dead air. my favorite is if they smack their elbow or their shin, because those spots seem the most tender and then they hop around full of exaggerated pain that is actually a mere carryover from their original anger. if i could hide in the bushes and watch one of these episodes on a regular basis i would be happy as a clam. i would much prefer this sort of humorous voyeurism to most crap on tv these days. not sure why it tickles me so much, maybe because it is human beings being raw and letting go of the control over themselves. we truly are collectively a ridiculous species. we are so much like the characters in the funny papers, and truth really is stranger than fiction.

just fyi...

i headed down to my local drop off station for the toys for tots drive today and was saddened when they refused my donation.  i was shocked to learn that my new unwrapped gifts for the children were not up to par according to the marines on duty.  apparently it's not considered in vogue these days to give kids lady schick razors, a carton of cigs, a tub of crisco, and a 12 pack of tube socks from costco.  who knew.  

hopefully my story will save you an unnecessary trip to this ungrateful charity.  god bless.

i was gonna get the jet, but i bought this on ebay instead...

Sarah Palin's Speech Outline (original copy- i swear)

I. talk about my family.

a. focus on the males. (one line about all 3 females should cover it)

b. don't mention anything re: bristol's immaculate conception.
i. pay fox news to zoom in on fake engagement ring that the big mac bought for her to wear.

II. soundbite.
a. keep it light, no need to delve deep right now.

III. sarcastic quip.
a. never mention "him" by name. "our opponent" will do.

IV. soundbite (again, light on content+poorly educated public= fear based voting)

V. sarcastic quip
a. aim it for you-know-who

(pause to gaze lovingly at youngest daughter while she licks baby's hair.)

VII. soundbite.

VIII. sarcastic quips x 4

... and i'm done.

__________________________________

yea, that's about how it came off. and did anyone else notice her startling resemblance to tina fey? i hate to admit it b/c i heart tina fey to the depths of my soul, but it could make for an AWESOME season opener for SNL if they take advantage of this! i can just see amy poehler playing the five year old licking her hand and smoothing out the sleeping babies hair. which makes me think, how the hell was that baby sleeping? my kids woke up at that age if the floor creaked, they may have spontaneously imploded in that environment. did they dope him, do you think? she went back to work as the governor of alaska 3 days after his birth, so i wouldn't put it past her. 3 days!!

c'mon people. seriously. seriously? SERIOUSLY!! seriously?? superserious? are you serious?

serious.