i've been mulling over the adage "actions speak louder than words" a lot lately. it is a standard that i not only believe, but hold myself and those in my life accountable to. there have been far too many times when i could look at someone who was talking to me, and i could see right through what they were saying. their words ringing hollow and lifeless, their actions (or lack thereof) screaming in contradiction. it makes my stomach turn and my skin crawl, i have never been able to abide this violating form of lying in my life.
some might say my expectations are too high, i would challenge this notion by clarifying that i don't expect flawless actions from anyone (myself included); what i do hope for in others is the courage to be honest and challenging with themselves when faced with dilemma, confusion, and the simple choices of the day. i don't think this is too much for us, as fellow members of the world community, to ask of each other. what is so bad about saying, "i'm confused about ______, and i feel myself veering away from living a life that meshes with my values and integrity, i need to get some help."? (even if you say it to yourself in your own head). AND THEN FOLLOWING THROUGH ON THESE WORDS BY *gasp* TAKING SOME ACTION TO CHANGE YOUR COURSE. it's not rocket science people. we are all human, we all fuck up in large and small ways.
recently someone added to my adage (say that 10 times fast!) with "...and results speak louder than actions". (hi adam!) i don't agree. i think results can vary, and not necessarily reflect ones efforts. i know there have been many times in my life where i can look and say that did everything correctly on paper. i dotted every i, crossed every t, and followed the rules laid out for me; in other words i took all of the right actions while making my intent clear and purposeful. yet still i didn't get the results that matched my actions. in these circumstances i think there lies a perfect opportunity to practice what i'm preaching here. i could be bitter, jaded, and blaming of others that my strong efforts didn't pay off, or i could let go of the things over which i have no control, and look forward to how i will handle my actions and reactions to these events. self- analyze, breathe, and reboot. additionally i think it is a slippery slope if one gets too tied to results. i believe it is the effort, the sheer act of acting on ones beliefs, convictions, or values that speaks to someone's honor and intentions; not so much what comes of said actions (although, aren't positive results awesome when they come together?!). i would go even a little further and say that being too tied to results can set one up for becoming a words-without-actions-asshole because not getting what we want is a perfect excuse to stop doing and start whining.
*to be clear, my friend adam is not an actionless asshole, quite the opposite actually. he's a good egg, but i still disagree with his black and white boy brain. in other words, no adams were harmed in the writing of this blog ( i hope). :-)*
there is a subtle place in human beings that i believe is a major contributor to defining our character: it is the place where we decide to own our behavior, and do our work; or excuse away our behavior onto others, and deny the issue that is a blinding red light in our face. notice that neither of these options include not fucking up in the first place, it is assumed that we all do/ will continue to, so go ahead and fuck up i say! have at it. be the flawed human that you are, and then look at what happened, evaluate how it made you (and others) feel, and decide in an honest and real way what you are going to DO to rectify the situation at hand, and ensure that your next mistake (and there will be one) is something new and different to deal with. no one likes a broken record, especially if it's skipping on on a horrid song.
Posts
2 comments:
First, that I was referenced in a boogers and poop entry is tantamount to getting invited to have a beer at the white house or being a story on This American Life – I feel almost famous! I only wish it had been because I was inspiring or though right about something. Alas, I wasn’t, and as I always agree with your post…. I must offer this context (and some remaining separation of your position) to my original comment, “results speak louder than actions”:
Having come off several unsuccessful sessions as a lobbyist – in which I did everything I could and truly tried my very best – where our Legislature failed to take our desired action, I was confronted with this repeated reality of failure. Failure which carried with it real impact on real people’s lives. Trying to analyze the situation without being biased, I truly don’t feel ANYONE could have tried harder or made better decisions at each junction, etc. but we were ultimately unsuccessful. Lots of good actions. No good results.
Now, there are some very kind and generous people behind my cause whom, year after year supportively patted me on the back and thanked me for “trying.” They appreciated we fought the good fight. They shared the same message to the legislators that gave them great lip service and also “tried.” But at the end of one particular year, these kind people informed us, "it's great that you did all these things, and we know you worked really hard, but at the end of the day, we haven’t made any progress - and next session, we're going to be holding people accountable for RESULTS.”
Is this an unfair response – after all, NOBODY could have succeeded?! Or is this a responsible position – given in the end the problem remains and requires action?!
Now, contrast my contemplation of this scenario with one of my favorite teaches of HH the Dalai Lama, which to summarize far less eloquently, he instructs us when faced with a challenge that is causing us great consternation we have two paths: 1) we can dedicate what energy and ability we have to solving/improving/resolving the situation, or 2) if the situation truly lies outside our control, we must learn to let go of it in our hearts and minds. We must learn to accept when outcomes are truly out of our control.
Ultimately, the acceptance of what we cannot change IS one of the hardest lessons we have as humans – and in that respect I wholeheartedly agree with you.
However, in this case study of working to pass a public policy measure, we both agree I’m sure we cannot stop trying and start whining – path 2 simply isn’t an option. The fight isn’t over. So we must devote all our energy into working for the change we seek. And we will.
But, and this is the long way of finally getting back to the point at hand, we also can’t ignore the ultimate power of results. At the end of the day, we may sleep soundly knowing we did our best – and that’s great – but no part of us can resign to accept that is enough… simply acting isn’t enough.
Maybe we get there, maybe we don’t. We assuredly celebrate the successes along the way and stand tall knowing we did all we could (especially accepting fully we all fuck up). So, I agree actions DO speak louder than words, but I still ultimately feel the results are the prize we need to keep our eyes on.
i think we agree, but are coming at it from different places. i'm not dismissing the power and importance of positive results, but i maintain that regardless of results it is the effort/action that is the most meaningful. your example of public policy change is a perfect one. despite not seeing any results, or hearing that you've made a difference i know, without a shred of doubt, that your actions have made an impact. often we must chip away at the same large stone for days and months and years and lifetimes before we can even begin to glimpse what may reveal itself to us. i would also say that when we get too tied to results it is dangerous because we inevitably have specific results in mind, ie the way things are SUPPOSED to work out according to our own logic of right and wrong,and our personal opinions. i would challenge you and say that everything is unfolding exactly as it should, and yes big parts of that truth suck ass, but it's still a truth.
you're a great advocate, and you are making a difference. have faith, hope for the highest good, and recognize that you may have no idea what that is. keep on keepin' on brother!
fuck, that is tough to do. *deep breath*
Post a Comment